It’s not uncommon to hear that couples that have separated and/or divorced are back together again. It may happen after a few weeks, a few months and in some case even after a year or so.
This is not a surprise to many considering that no matter what the reason was for the separation, they still loved and cared for each other.
But the decision to get back together is not an easy one. There are a lot of things to consider, such as the reason why they separated.
During the time couples are separated, most of them date. In some cases, they may have had an intimate relationship that could have lasted a few months or so. This is not rare and happens quite a bit. Does this mean that they didn’t love their ex? No, it means that they tried to move on. They wanted a companion since they felt alone. Of course, many, during these relationships they think of their ex even more. They begin to compare their ex to their new partner. Now they won’t voice it but they do think about it. After a while they realize they had a good relationship and let it go. So they begin to find a way to get back with them.
When they are considering getting back together, the first thing they need to do is talk. They have to get to know each other again. It is important that they discuss what caused their separation, even though time has gone by, that doesn’t mean that all has been forgotten and forgiven. They should seek counseling, make sure that all is said and nothing is kept inside. That way, when they are together again, they won’t bring up the past only to argue again and eventually end up separated again.
Another topic they should discuss is if they dated while separated and/or were in a relationship during that time. Many will say it’s no big deal, why tell. Well, if trust was an issue in the relationship, then you should. If not, when they find out, it will cause problems. Of course both of them have to realize that during their separation they believed they would never be together again. Besides, both of you might get a laugh out of it. You can sit there and share horror stories about your dates because most likely a lot of them fell in that category.
Once you are together again, make an effort of changing. Don’t do the same things, change the routine. Make the relationship more exciting, interesting and be more open with each other. Avoid old habits such as nagging, arguing, accusing, jealousy, lying, etc. If they hurt your relationship in the past, it will do it again. It’s amazing that a lot of couples get back together again only to pick up where they left off and not in a positive. All those bad memories come rushing back and it’s over again. Only because both of you repeated the same mistakes.
Now let’s be honest, not all relationships can get back together again. If your partner was controlling and they spent their time nagging, insulting, badgering, fighting, etc. Why go back to that? Unless they have gotten therapy, don’t even bother. At first they are sweet but soon they will turn back into the monster you hated. A person that tells you they love you, miss you, think of you and then turns it around and insults you, this person never loved you at all. All they miss is controlling you and they are afraid to be alone.
As the saying goes, “if you love something set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was”. Of course many of us don’t believe in this, that is why we fight to keep the relationship going. And it’s okay to do that as long as you don’t change the saying to this, “if you love something set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours, if not hunt it down and kill it”. If you think this way, forget the relationship, its obsession and seek help.
So, if the love is strong and both of you respect each other, then you should definitely give each other another chance. But if the love is there yet they are still an ogre, run like hell. Don’t go back to the prison you escaped from. Be smart, when making a decision listen to a combination of things, your heart, your mind and pay attention to your instincts. If you believe that you let a good thing go, then try to save it but be sure that it is a decision both of you make and neither one feels obligated or forced into the relationship.