Did you know that a controlling partner can be abusing you? You might think that can’t be true, since physically they have not hurt you. But think, they don’t have to be physical, they can abuse you mentally. When you first meet this person, they seem too good to be true.
They are so compassionate, loving, exciting, sweet, caring and confident. It’s as though what you have been looking for all your life was staring right at you. Next thing you know, you are with them in a serious relationship.
How did you fall for them? Why didn’t you realize they were so controlling? Well, they studied you. They know very well who they can and cannot manipulate or control. As times go by, the happiness that you once felt is no longer there. Instead you find yourself crying, miserable and insecure. You lose yourself esteem; forget that you are important and valuable. What’s even worst is that you feel you can’t live without this person. They are everything to you. If not for them, where would you be right now? You don’t even realize that you have distanced yourself from friends and family. It starts slow at first, it’s even unnoticeable. When a friend invites you their home, dinner or a movie, your partner will look at you sadly and say, “honey, let’s stay home, cuddle and watch a movie”. It’s sound so good and sincere, that we cancel on our friends or family.
If you do go out, they make you feel bad. You find yourself looking at your watch, wanting to run back home to them. You don’t want to leave them alone, much less have them get upset with you. Your friends start to wonder if all is okay. It might even bother you that they ask you that. But think about it, you don’t call them, visit, talk, write, go out with them, etc. You have completely cut them off. Not only that, they have invited both of you and it always seems that there is an excuse as to why your partner can’t make it. Either you show up alone (if that) or no one goes at all. This is not healthy, what they have done is cut all your ties to the outside world without even lifting a finger. But how, how did they do this? Well, they tend to make you feel guilty for abandoning them and dedicating your time to others.
That the only important people are the two of you, no one else counts. Plus if your friends seem to dislike them, they will say they are trying to break you up, they are jealous. They work on your emotions, your insecurities; they play with your head. They also tell you that you have to choose between your friends or your relationship. That if you don’t begin to put your relationship as a priority, you might find yourself alone. Now, normally a person would not take to this kindly and would retaliate. But not that is in an abusive relationship. They are subjected to humiliations, put downs, insults, sarcasm, etc. The partner will make jokes about you, such as your physical appearance, eyes, face, arms, speech, accent, etc. They will tell you no one else can tolerate or deal with you as much as they do. That no one will love you or care for you. Basically that they are it, if you leave them, you will be alone for the rest of your life.
But remember, before you met them, you had a life. You dated many others and there are many that would still want to be with you. They don’t do this because you are truly a pathetic person as they make you feel. It’s because they are insecure. They are in fear that you will leave them. A controlling person is not necessarily all bad is just that they don’t know how to love. They love you and treat you as they were treated. They also become controlling because of past relationships. They believe if they could control their partner by taking away their self esteem and belittling them, they will never leave. They feel they are never wrong, their thoughts, idea and opinion are always valid. If you try to talk to them, they will say you are making up excuses.
They make you feel responsible for all arguments and problems that occur. Not once do they ever realize that their constant badgering, insults, put downs push you into a corner and cause you to make more mistakes, which only fuels them more. They want to control not only your life but your finances. Always concerned you are spending it elsewhere. Plus they want to make sure you spend every dime on every bill they find so that you don’t have anything with what to escape should you wake up one day and realize this life is not for me. It is hard to get out of these relationships but not impossible. Seek help, contact a therapist, talk to a friend or find a support group. There is a way out. You might even be able to find help for your partner if they are willing. It may save your relationship or at least help you both so that you can part peacefully.
Remember, no one should ever make you feel worthless. Never allow someone to put you down or insult you. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Allowing someone to do this to you, gives them the upper hand in controlling you and destroying your life.