When you get married or move in together, your family size doubles. It is no longer just your family you share time with, now there’s your partner’s family.
Now, before this big change, both of you have already met with each other’s family and everything is great. However, that is because you were probably just dating.
As soon as you are married or living together and the relationship become serious, things might change. Of course, not everyone has problems.
Things do continue going smoothly and they are truly a big happy family. Unfortunately not all of us have the same luck. There are the horror stories of the mother-in-law. They will never feel anyone is truly good for their child and they can’t let go. This puts them in a bind because now they are in between the mother and spouse. It’s a tug of war and it can be disastrous for the relationship. How do you stop this? Well, you can’t tell your mother to bug off or your spouse to deal with it. There has to be some peace and compromise. Put your cards on the table and let them know where they stand, that you love them but you have to consider your spouse above all. Be fair, because if it’s not the mother but the spouse, they too need to be fair.
Father-in-laws aren’t that bad to be honest. They will hope that her partner is a good provider, takes care of their little girl. That he loves her and protects her as much as he does. Also, if they are just living together and they want to win him over, get married. The minute he sees the partner is not up to par, he will let him now. If it’s his son, he will hope that his partner is good to him, love him, take care of him and give him lots of babies. All he wants is harmony and hope that they are in it for love not money.
Then it’s time to deal with the siblings. It can be very difficult. Each sibling is different; they can be friend, grouchy, cool, untrustworthy, etc. When they meet your partner, how they present themselves will be the way they will always be remembered. The minute your partner feels they can’t trust them, they will pull away and it will cause problems. Now, there is a line that can’t be crossed. There is a bond between siblings that is never going to break. They will always do their best to be there for them. However, if your sibling is always in trouble, constantly asking for favors, interrupting your personal life and you don’t put a stop to it, you will find yourself alone. Your partner will only take so much.
Does this mean that you should not meet each other’s family? No, it means you have to learn to share your time and they must learn to respect you and your relationship. Have you seen movies that show family reunions and it goes all out of whack. You find the in-laws arguing with each other, brothers and sisters fighting, kids screaming. Your partner starts looking at you as though you tricked them and they have joined the circus or even worst, is at an asylum.
Here’s a hint, if your family is dysfunctional and let’s be honest you know if they are or not. You need to let them know. Don’t give them that surprise when you go over the family’s house for dinner and it turns out into a brawl. Let them know you love them and your family but that you will balance it out. Put boundaries for them and your family. It has to be done for the sake of your relationship and sanity. If this isn’t done, you will find yourself going to your family functions alone because they will have no part of it.
Another thing to remember, you now have a new family, your partner is your immediate family. You live with them and this is your new life. Your family comes second and they should understand because many of them have done the same. If you find you can’t do this then don’t commit to a relationship. It will end and in a disastrous way.