You would think that after one break-up you would learn everything there is about starting over. Well, that is wishful thinking because it’s not true.
It’s different every time and no matter what anyone says, it’s never easy starting over again. So what are the first steps in starting over? Realize the relationship is over and create distance between the two.
Avoid contact as much as possible and keep things peaceful. It’s not easy but it’s doable. Breaking up is not fun; it’s one of the worst things to go through.
No one ever becomes a pro and if they do, something is truly wrong there. During this time, we lose our common sense, logic and rationality somewhere along the road. Is it ok? Well, we are human and have faults. So when we realize we are going down this road we need to put a stop to it, retrace our steps and put ourselves back together again. Now there are other things that many will do that honestly they shouldn’t. Of course, at the time, it feels so good that no one thinks about the consequences. So before we lose total control, let’s see what we shouldn’t do and see how we should behave. It is forgivable to feel angry and hurt.
We are not made of out steel; we have feelings and have the right to express them. Now how we choose to do that is something else altogether. There are stories we have read that will make you laugh and horrify you all at the same time. The reaction and behavior of the person that goes through the break-up depends on why it happened. If it was solely due to them not getting along, it will hurt, they may be angry but will move on. Now, when it’s more due to cheating or being used, it can get ugly. Then there is the extreme case of those that, well, should be institutionalized. They are both crazy and downright scary.
When you go through your things and find clothing, pictures, colognes, brushes, etc that belong to that person, put them in a box and send it to them. This is the right thing to do, no matter what they did to you. However, due to anger, what many will do is find a basket, throw everything in there and set fire to it. All the time smiling and enjoying it, some go as far as creating an effigy and burning it. This seems to bring them some pleasure, however, they forget they are in their own homes and end up burning the place. Now who’s laughing?
Why the distance between the two? Well, this prevents either one from inflicting even more pain, avoiding fights and playing the blaming game. Plus, one may still want to be with the other and will beg them to take them back. When this doesn’t happen then the hate begins to get stronger. Now, instead of staying away, they become stalkers. They won’t admit it but they do. They follow them to the store, clubs, restaurants, movies, etc. They just pop out of nowhere and begin to cause havoc. There have been some that have gone as far as putting ex-lax in their food. But as everything else in life, it comes back to them; they end up eating the food and spending the next few days in the bathroom. Of course there is a positive side to that, they get to lose a few extra pounds.
While together, both shared with each other, deep dark secrets. This was due to the feelings you shared and of course, no one ever thought it would end. So, to continue showing them and all that you are mature, you should keep these secrets. Again, this is not always the case. Out of anger they begin to tell all the dirty little secrets about their ex. Now if it were only told to strangers, who cares. But no, they tell all your close friends and relatives. They begin to tell them about things you may have said, how you feel towards them, etc. Repeat secrets that would only cause you problems and ruin your relationship with them. Of course, nothing can be as bad as when they open up their mouths and begin to talk about intimate situations. Women can do more harm than men, by telling all about their true size and their fumbling in bed. That is truly embarrassing. However, again, it can come back to them because they have their own little secrets to share.
So before we lose total control think of this. Do you want people to remember you as a cool and calm person or some lunatic that escaped the mental institution? Remember, nothing bothers a person more than you remaining calm and showing no emotion whatsoever. Go crazy within the four walls of your home, scream, cry, kick, jump up and down but in public cool as can be. It might be that the one that left you will then follow you and realize what a mistake they did. If not, at least they won’t play with your emotions again.