When we are going through problems that are difficult, we tend to confide in those that are closes to us. It could be our friends or certain family members.
We do this because we feel we are way over our heads or we just need an outlet.
When we share these problems with them, it is in hopes that they can help us or just give us a shoulder to cry on. It’s human to try to find solace in our pain. Yet, at times, this decision will only bring us more heartache.
The one thing we share the most with those we trust are the problems we have at home with our partners. We don’t do this so that they can take our side or to make them hate our partners. We want advice, an outside opinion, maybe there is something we aren’t noticing and they can. Most of the times, it works that way. Plus, if they are a true friend, they will tell you the truth, even if it turns out to be that we are wrong. Hopefully, we are mature enough to understand and accept.
But as usual, things can backfire and only add fuel to whatever situation you may have. Then you find yourself in more problems and wishing you had the powers to erase all that was done. It would be great to just blink your eyes or snap your fingers and change everything, make it all better. Sadly, it’s not that easy, so now we have to work even harder to make amends to all. Not only, that it will take even longer and more patience then what we may have.
When going through difficult times with a partner before telling anyone about them, think first. If it’s about money problems, the kids at school or any type of normal problems it won’t cause much of havoc to talk about it. However, if it is more personal, between you and your partner, be very careful of what you say. It can make the person you are talking take sides and most likely yours. What this means is, next time they see your partner they will keep their distance and if force to speak them, they will be cold.
Our friends and family will side with us almost all the time, it’s hard for them not be biased. Now we have put them in an awkward position and find ourselves living two lives. Neither of the parties will want to mingle with each other and all because we just wanted to talk. They begin to detest each other and you will be put on the spot to choose. How do you do this? You still love your partner but you also love your friends and family.
When you tell a family or friend that your problems with your partner involve arguing, insults, humiliation, controlling issues, verbal abuse, or infidelity, it will cause them to take your side and it won’t stop there. They will meddle, making all your problems worst and will prevent any possibility of you and your partner making up. Now they are an ogre in your friend’s and family’s eyes. They will never want to speak to them again; this can only bring even more problems.
To avoid these types of situations and getting everyone all worked up, consider going to a therapist. This person knows absolutely nothing about you or your family. They are not interested in taking sides, they are there to help you or guide you into the right path. Basically, to help you open your eyes, your mind and see for yourself what is that is causing these conflicts. In time, they may even ask you if you want your partner to join you. It might turn out that it was not just them but you too. We can be blinded by our own anger and can be very stubborn, unwilling to budge.
There is a saying, “it takes two to tango”. In other words, whatever the problem may be, it was not brought on by one. It was created by both and for whatever reason; we just don’t want to believe this. Also, what happens between couples should stay with them. If they are not life threatening then don’t share those problems with others. Later on, it will make it difficult for you to be able to have a normal family environment and eventually end your relationship. If that is what you wanted great but if not, you will be sorry and feel lost. So, think before you speak, it may save you a world of pain and sorrow.