It’s amazing how we are constantly reminded about the mistakes we have made in our lives. It seems that no matter what we do, we can’t get away from it. But is this correct and why does it happen? First of all, no it’s not. Once a person makes a mistake and says, “I’m sorry”, they should be left alone.
Unfortunately that is not the case. Those around them will constantly remind them and use it against to get what they want out of them. This is where the person begins to make mistakes over and over again, all because someone is playing a guilt trip on them.
When we watch programs about wildlife, we see there are always predators out there waiting for a prey. Well, they exist in our lives too. There is always someone there waiting to take advantage of a situation, to put you down, to use you as much as they can. First it begins with our parents. Many parents control their kids by playing guilt trips on them. They will make them feel that whatever happens to their parents will be their fault. This damages a child. As they grow up they will take one of these two paths, either they will be a manipulator or a victim. The manipulator will pretty much get away with a lot. They may never be affected by anything they do, they always have someone to place the blame on and that is the victim. The victim is the one that will suffer.
These victims are people that will do their best to win over the love of those around them. They will give their all and do whatever to keep their admiration or love. Their self-esteem is very low and years of mental abuse will place them put them in a position to always be used. Sadly, instead of getting help from those around them, they are beaten down even more. This is to keep them feeling bad about themselves and always being there at the manipulator’s disposal. It’s a vicious cycle and at times there doesn’t seem to be an end to it. This person will end up making all sorts of mistakes that could mean the loss of a job, family, friends, freedom or even their lives. It sounds a bit drastic but it’s true.
Think for a minute, have you ever found yourself in a situation that it seemed too hard to say no? Did you ever feel guilty for saying no to someone? Have you ever overextended yourself financially or physically to help someone else? After doing all this, did you notice how the person never appreciated anything you did for them? When you do any of these things you find yourself making mistakes. Not only that, you begin to lie that you are doing what they ask just to keep them at bay so they don’t argue with you. Hoping that during this time, it will give you the opportunity to do what they ask. When it comes to finances you find yourself in a hole all because you couldn’t find a way to say no. This happens a lot in relationships, especially if your partner stays at home and does nothing. They expect you to pay all and when it’s due. If you are late once, you will hear it for the rest of their lives.
Inside you know this is not right but you can’t find the voice to say, “I have had enough and won’t do this anymore”. All these feelings build up inside of you, every day more and more until you blowup or have a breakdown. You make so many mistakes that you can’t seem to find your way out of them. Then one day, you really do blow up and yell out loud “ENOUGH”. You begin to tell them how you are tired of being used, manipulated and that the mistakes you have made are due to them constantly pressuring you to do their will. Sadly, you will get nowhere with this, this person who manipulates has no conscious or heart. They feel they have never done any wrong and, even if you can prove it, they will not accept any blame. It was all you.
So what should you do? First of all, begin to say no whenever you feel you are right. Don’t let them use guilt trips to manipulate you. They will either yell at you or try to undermine you to do their will. If this doesn’t work, they will play the part of a wounded animal. Or show you a face of concern or worry as though their world is falling apart. Don’t let this get to you. No matter how much it may make you feel guilty, think long and hard. You have no reason to feel guilty. You have done everything you can for as long as you can remember. Start thinking of the good things you have done and what they have done in return for you. You will begin to see that your list is pages long while theirs show absolutely nothing.
Never, ever feel that to win a person’s love or friendship, you should have to do things you know you can’t. Never, ever put your life or your future on the line for someone that can do for themselves. It’s time to take control of your life, put it in order and do for yourself. You have a right to do as you please and think. You should not be stressed day in and day out because you are concerned about someone else’s financial situation or life, especially if they can physically take care of themselves. These are loafers, users, people that honestly have less self-esteem then the victims. These are people that get off using others as much as they can because they don’t have the self confidence or the intelligence of doing for themselves what they ask of you. Many times, if the victim is a smart person, they will take advantage of them even more. They know this is a fountain of information for them and a bank.
Next time you say no, stand your ground. No matter what they say or do, don’t budge. There is a case of a woman that made many errors, including breaking the law for a man. She ended up paying for something that had nothing to do with her. During the whole time this was happening to her, he never once offered a helping hand. Instead began to say that he didn’t know why he got involved with someone like her. Mind you, he is the reason she was in this situation and he knows this too but doesn’t give a damn. Instead what he does is uses that to his advantage by constantly reminding her of her mistake and using her fears against her.
This person does not love her, never has and never will because if they did, they would not behave this way. Instead they would give her a helping hand instead of kicking them when they are down. It’s time to take a good look in the mirror and say out loud, “Wake Up”. If that doesn’t work, then it’s time to slap ourselves in the face to see if that makes us react. How are we supposed to have a life if we let others control it at will and do what they want with it? Don’t let this go on forever because you will never be able to do what you really want. You may not even have a future waiting for you.
A manipulator is not only a parent; it could be a lover, spouse, friend, family, co-worker, boss, etc. The list can be long. Life is full of manipulators and users. They are lurking at every corner and if you are a person who can’t stand up for yourself, they will use you as much as they can. Remember this too, they will never give you what you want. It’s time to get help for yourself and quickly. If as a child you were taught that you would get love and appreciation by doing good deeds for others, you continue doing the same thing in adulthood.
You have to realize that you don’t have to buy a person by doing good deeds to get what you dream of. If it’s love then find someone who will love you for you, not for what you can do for them. If in a relationship and you want children but that person constantly reminds you it’s impossible due to your mistakes. Even though those mistakes are due to them, then move on. Find another person to have a child with. If not, do it on your own. A woman can have a child while she is on her own. She can either adopt a child or do in-vitro and a man can always adopt. There are ways to get around these things that you may feel only that person can provide for you. Don’t waste another second of your life on them. Don’t allow them to use you anymore. No matter how lost you may feel, remember, it’s not true, you can do for yourself. You are only being held back because, believe it or not, the manipulator is afraid of you because without you they are nothing.
Be true to yourself, love yourself and help yourself. Many will tell you this is selfish but it’s not. You have to learn to love yourself to love others. So, dedicate some time to you and only you. Put your priorities and needs first. Later on, if you can help those you wish to help. Do it because you want to and truly can, not out of obligation or guilt trips.