As hard as this may be for many to believe, some of us just can’t get over our exes, it’s almost impossible. There are stories of people who have separated and while one has made a new life for themselves, the other never did.
They stayed alone, with no desire to find a new love. It’s not that they didn’t try, they just couldn’t forget. It seems romantic to some and to others, downright crazy. What did that ex have that no one else could give them? Well, before anyone jumps to conclusions, it’s not about what they shared in bed.
It is more about how they felt when they were with that person. They felt complete and themselves. They found what they may have been looking for all their life but couldn’t hang on to it. They did everything they were told to do to get rid of those feelings. They avoided them at all cost, returned all personal items, cut off all communications, went out with friends, dated, had fun, traveled, etc. But it just didn’t work because there is one thing you can’t erase or avoid and that is our memory.
See, life would be so simple if we had a delete button. As soon as we were done with someone or something, we could hit that button and delete all that was related to them. That would be so great, we could use for so many things. Unfortunately is not possible, we have to deal with these feelings whether we want to or not. Our memories of our exes bother us most when we are alone, watching a movie or in bed trying to sleep.
This is why many turn to pills or alcohol. We go to our doctors, let them know we can’t sleep and ask for something that can help. We run home, every night we pop a pill. A couple of weeks go by; they don’t seem to work so we take two. When then doesn’t work we turn to alcohol. Once you are drunk you don’t even remember your own name. Well drinking or taking sleeping pills solve our problem? Of course not but it does give us temporary relief.
We need someone to talk to that won’t be biased so we go to a therapist. There we get to say what we feel without being punished, put down or laughed at. However, we think that after a couple of sessions we are ready to kick them completely out of our lives. No, not the case, we are actually worst off for a while. All our past issues with families, friends, work, exes coming flying out and it seems like a mess. That damn Pandora’s Box, if we had only kept it locked. But then if we did, would we ever get over our ex or problems? See, they say when a relationship goes wrong it had to do with the baggage we both carried into the relationship.
Once we face those problems, we can deal with our emotions for our ex. Of course there may be times we realize even more so that we want them back even though it’s not possible. So how do you get over them if you have done all the above. Well, the last thing to resort to is remembering all the bad. It sounds cruel but for your mental health it’s the best thing to do. When those feelings of want come rolling in, remember the times they hurt you. When that desire of wanting to talk to them hits you, remember the fights and the insults towards you.
Why do this? Well, no one deserves your eternal love if it’s not returned. Why should you forever more love an ex when they have moved on? This only hurts you. Besides, why inflate their ego. Believe it or not, some do love the idea that this person is still pinning for them. Some will even take advantage of it. Don’t allow this to happen to you. At times we hang on to that old love because they made us feel as though no one else could love us like they did. Or that no one would be able to deal with us or tolerates us as they did.
This is a lie; there is someone out there that will love you for you. Their love will be true and sincere. It will be unconditional love. Not a love that you have to earn, that it’s measured by what you do or give, based on merits. That is not true love or love at all. When there is true and unconditional love, forgiveness and compassion come with it. So, next time those feelings come rushing through, push them to the side just as your ex pushed you to the side. Move on and find a new love that deserves you. We all have the right to love again, have a family, children, a home, a future with someone. As much as it may hurt now and as much as you may love them, you will forget them. You will be able to let them go and make room for a new love. Give yourself a chance to meet the right person, be happy and fall in love. This time it will be true love.