Finding out that your partner has been unfaithful can bring a relationship to an end.
First thing we have to realize is that it’s not only men cheating but also women. Another thing to remember is that when you became involved, cheating on partner was never part of the plan.
The relationship was meant to be forever and just the two of you. However, something happened that caused one of them stray. When the one that was cheated on finds out about the betrayal it’s devastating.
At that point, this person doesn’t know what to do or how to handle this situation. The emotions they feel are many, such as anger, hate, hurt, emptiness, etc. Then they begin to wonder, what did I do to deserve this? They ask questions as to what did they look like, were they attractive, younger, intelligent, sexy, etc.
Basically the person that was cheated on begins to feel inadequate and believes they never loved them. But what we fail to realize is that the cheater did not have the affair because of how they felt about their partner, it was due to how they felt about themselves. At some point the cheater felt inadequate and began to find reassurance elsewhere. Was this the right thing to do, no, but they weren’t thinking when they went ahead and had an affair.
So what causes infidelity? What causes them to consider having an affair? Were there warnings signs and could this have been completely avoided? The first problem that many couples have is communication. At times we don’t care to listen or understand them and what makes it worst is we won’t even try to understand. When there is a problem, we only see one side, our own. We will argue about a subject and get nowhere. It seems that compromising is just out of the question for some couples. The issue seems to be more important that the partner and so they look for someone who will listen to them and understand them.
Another problem is that, yes, we love our partner with all heart but we feel they don’t share the same feelings. The love we receive from our partner seems conditional. As long as we do what they wish (behave, dress, look, obey) they are happy. Since we feel the love is conditional, the moment someone offers us affection unconditionally, we give in.
Then there is jealousy, not the type where your partner is always watching or stalking you. This jealousy is due to competition. Maybe there is a new addition to the family, partner works long hours or dedicates more times to friends and family. This type of treatment will push anyone into someone else’s arms
But not all cheaters have one of these excuses. Some cheat for the heck of it. The opportunity presented itself and they took the challenge. This gave them a feeling of excitement. Now, after all this, is it forgivable? Many relationships have been able to survive extramarital affairs. The only way a couple can survive and last longer after something like this, is to seek counseling.
If you were cheated on and love the person still, you have to ask yourself one question, can you let it go? It’s not true, you can’t forget. The mind can’t be wiped out like a hard drive but you can let the pain go. If you are going to stay in the relationship but be unable to trust again, it’s not worth it. It will only be a living hell for both and torture.
Of course, this could have been avoided. The moment you feel unwanted, ignored, alone or misunderstood, you should have opened your mouth and expressed your feelings. Be aware of your behavior and most of all, learn to compromise, forgive and let go. Don’t push and learn to love unconditionally. It’s always a good idea to give in if your partner is always there for you. We don’t know what we have until we lose it. After it’s gone, we have only ourselves to blame.