You’re in love with the person you are with and you notice certain things about them but you choose to ignore it. Those flaws don’t seem to bother you. This is where the term unconditional love comes in. Where you love with your heart not with your mind, you accept them as they are, good and bad.
You feel it’s the best relationship you have ever had. Is it really? It’s time to face certain facts that you just didn’t want to notice before, it was too painful and you just can’t believe it. This is for both men and women; we all suffer or hurt the same way.
We all get taken advantage of at one point or another. Love is supposed to be about sharing and building a special bond. However one day you wake up and realize that financially you are in a sinkhole. You have no clue how you arrived at this point or so you want everyone to think that. There is only one person you can blame for this financial pitfall, yourself. Sure you don’t want to hear that and you don’t want to believe it but it’s true. Think back to when your relationship first started.
Be honest with yourself and notice it all. You will remember that since the beginning everything has been taken care of by you. The dates, the dinners, the gifts, all that was paid by you and if you think even harder, you will remember that for those special occasions you went all out but received nothing in return. You were told they couldn’t they didn’t have any money. It’s okay though because relationships are not about gifts a simple I love you always works.
Yet, once you start remembering, there was a trend that you chose to ignore. Again, it’s not just women who do this, men also fall into this category. You meet, fall in love and move in.
Wow, what an exciting step to the relationship, this means it’s real and sincere. At the beginning everything is 50/50 (sort of) and as time goes by you find yourself putting more and more money and they do less and less. One day they come to you and discuss with you how difficult it’s at work. They want to quit and look for something better. You see no harm in that so you agree.
Time goes by and they may find a job but quit again. It seems nothing is just right for them. Next thing you know weeks go into months, months into years and they are home. They do find other things to do to earn money on the side. It’s not really much but you are willing to help them out in any new endeavor they choose. You are supportive of their needs and desires. But eventually it does start to take its toll on you. Now you are supporting that person too. Now your bills have doubled and you even start paying off some of their debt.
Since you are now paying their bills, you start postponing yours and next thing you know, you don’t pay your own bills and you are now financially screwed. This happens and will you might even deal with it. But the problem starts when you notice that they become demanding, angry if you don’t give them what they want. They also try and do at times, make you feel guilty as though this is your fault. You keep paying and for what? What do you get out of it? See the person that is with you is just using you, nothing more.
Once you start paying for everything, they feel it’s your obligation to always do this. The day you say you can’t because you just don’t have it, they become accusatory, making comments that you misuse the money, spend it elsewhere. Then comes the question, how much are you making, what’s our income? Yes, what’s our income because what you earn they believe belongs to them. They want to make sure that all the money that you have goes to them, no one else.
It’s sad; you close you eyes and think about this, it makes you laugh. It’s not a good laugh, it’s a laugh that means I can’t believe this person, can’t believe this whole situation. When you decide to stop paying anymore of their debts, all their financial problems they may have, will be blamed on you and solely on you. You had to stop paying those bills, you are in a hole. It’s even worst because you probably owe everyone you know.
You have been borrowing money to make ends meet and make them happy. After all this you don’t want to believe it. However, once you have noticed all this, you ask yourself, “Do they really love me?” You know that you do yet you feel they don’t share the same feelings. Ask yourself these questions and listen carefully to your answers:
- Does he/she help around the house since they are not working or do they expect you to come home and do everything after working all day?
- Does he/she understand when there isn’t any money for anything besides the bills?
- Does she/he argue or come up with sad excuses when you tell them they have to go to work?
- Do they threaten you they will leave you because they can’t seem to get money out of you?
- Do they make promises to you depending on how you help them financially?
- Have you noticed that promises of marriage are made but one mistake and it’s retracted?
As hard as it is, you will notice from your answers that what they feel for you isn’t love, it’s a feeling of convenience. There isn’t anyone else out there right now willing to do all you do for them and they know it. They are taking advantage of the love you feel to manipulate you and use you. Yes USE you, it’s hard to believe but true.
This is the reason why today you don’t even have enough money to pay your regular bills. Think about it, how many jobs have you lost because you spent too much time helping them? How many friends or family have you pushed away because they feel you give them the money and not them? Have you noticed that they feel you have to give them what they want above and beyond all?
Your problems mean absolutely nothing to them. Those next to you are sucking the life out of you like leeches. If you are ill they don’t take care of you. If you are in serious problems they don’t care. God forbid you mention that you are sad or upset.
That you can’t seem to make ends meet because they will bring up their problems and say its much worst for them. Really, can you believe that? Wake up, look at the facts and get yourself out of this situation. Beware, the moment that they realize you no long are willing to be their own personal fool, they start searching for someone else. They will abandon you in a split second and not look back. It’s a sure fire guarantee that you will be made to look as the bad person. The failure of the relationship is all your fault. This is their last attempt at keeping you as their own personal bank and rug.
By now you realized you lost it all and what little you have is almost gone too. It’s not too late, you can still save yourself. Look deep within your heart and accept the truth. Get out before it’s too late, you will thank yourself. If you still feel that this is not the way things are, then ask yourself this:
- Do I lie to my friends and family by saying he/she is working even though they haven’t had a job for years?
- Do I lie to my friends and family by saying he/she takes me out, buys me things, shares in all responsibilities?
- Am I scared and embarrassed that my friends and family find out I have been supporting he/she for years and they treat me like crap?
If you answer yes, you know what you have to do. Sure you might want to sit down and talk to them, thinking you can save this relationship. Good luck with that. You have to remember a leech is a leech and will never be anything but a leech. It’s time to think about yourself, you first. Stop living so that someone else can live because you are hoping they will truly learn to appreciate you and love you. If they haven’t done it after being with them for so many years, they never will. It’s hard to end the relationship but in the end, you will see, you will be better off.
Here is a little tidbit of information you might now have thought about. If you think that this person will help you one day when they are better off financially, they won’t. Once they can get back on their own two feet, they will walk right out that door and never look back. You would be the farthest thing from their mind. Think long and hard, you may still have a chance to save yourself financially, do it before it’s too late.