You have just gotten out of a relationship and it’s been a while since you have had a date. First of all, if you remember, when you were dating, these were not fun at all.
Well at least the first dates, which many times were too many. It’s so hard to find that one person you can actually make a connection with on the first date.
When you finally decide to date, there are different ways to meet that person and go on a date. One way is that you have actually met this person already.
You probably met them at a party, club, work, gym, etc. You had the opportunity to talk for a little bit and felt some kind of connection. The connection or chemistry was good enough to go for that first date. These are the best dates because you actually picked this person. There was something about them that attracted you to them.
Blind dates are another way to meet a person. This is usually because friends or family decided you needed to meet someone. They take it upon themselves to find that perfect someone for you. They feel they know you enough that they can pick the right person. These can be truly uncomfortable. They don’t always know what you like in a person, they find what they feel is the best person for you. You decide to go on these dates because you don’t want to hurt the match maker’s feelings. Hopefully, it won’t be too bad. Some do actually work out.
Now the most popular way to meet people today is via the internet. There are so many on-line dating services and websites to meet and make friends. These can be very interesting remember, everything they say is not always true, people do like to enchance their qualities. If you want a real date and serious people, you will have to join particular on-line services that do have a fee to join. They can actually screen some of the people for you. If you want to just try your luck, then try different websites.
Maybe some type of network that offers you the opportunity to meet people in your area or anywhere in the country, even international. Just be cautious, there are a lot of strange and scary people out there. Whenever meeting this person for the first time, make sure it’s a public area.
Don’t get me wrong, they are not all bad, just in case. Whichever route you decide to take to meet that special someone, keep a few things in mind.
THE PAST
When coming out of a long relationship, we tend to dwell on the past. This all depends on the length of the relationship and how it all ended. Only a few are lucky and the relationship ends in good terms. However, most of us are not that lucky. Whether it was a divorce or an end to a long term relationship, many end bitterly. There were angry words exchanged, betrayal, hate, distrust, who did what, etc. These things you will actually carry over into a new relationship and it will end it before it even has a chance to blossom. You have to let those bad memories go away, put an end to them. Holding on to them will only prevent you from moving on. Best way to getting back at someone is forgetting all that happend, being happy and meeting new people. In the end no one is hurt and you begin to heal.
BE YOURSELF
When you meet someone, always be yourself. A big mistake that we all do is we become the person they want us to be just to please them. We like them so much, that to keep them around we become what they want. We make this sacrifice to keep or win their love. It would be ideal if the person you did this for truly appreciated you. You would remain the person they want because they make you feel good, they show you this by being appreciative and attentive. The reality is this is not the case. In all honesty, this is the same is lying. Be yourself, if they don't like who you are then they are not worth it, move on. When someone is interested in you they will take you as you are. No matter what you think, no one can be changed or molded into what the other person desires. Eventually they will react and leave.
HONESTY
You should be honest when asked a question but you don’t have to tell them everything. Some things are personal and you should not feel obligated to share everything. Should the relationship take a serious turn then, yes, be honest but still cautious. Let’s be honest, they ask questions but are not always happy with the answers they get. Not many couples feel comfortable talking about their past. For instance, do you really want to know how many partners they had in their past? Can you deal with the numbers you are told? See, if a man had a 100 lovers than he is awesome but if a woman had more than 4 or five then she’s a tramp. Is that fair? Keep certain information to yourself.
FAMILY
If the relationship continues, sooner or later, they will have to meet the family. Just before that time comes, talk about them; let your new partner know what they are like. Don’t go against your family just because this person doesn’t like them. There is usually some friction between them, it may happen but it can go away in time. If you find that your partner is being unfair towards your family without reason, put a stop to it. Don’t turn against your family just for them. Same thing applies to family, if they are attacking them without reason, then stop it, don’t let it continue.
When they don't get a long it can be very hard on you. At this point you should sit down and think about it. Can you live a double life, one with your new loved one and one with your family? Who is right and who is wrong? If they both love you, they should work together. If you live these two lives, it will get old and tiring. Eventually the relationships (family and new love) will come to and end. So as soon as this begins, put an end to it immediately.
FRIENDS
Another group of people that your new partner will meet are your friends. There are friends you have had all your life and plan to keep them around forever. These are also a special part of your life. There are partners that no matter what you can’t please them with anything or anyone. They don’t like your friends either. Only reason is because they feel your friends are not good enough. Is this true? Don’t let partners separate you from people you have been with all your life and have been good to you.
CHILDREN
It’s very rare to meet someone that does not have children. Whether you have children or your partner, please get to know each other first before meeting the children. Be honest and let them know you have children from the very beginning. This is one thing you don’t want to hide. These are very important people in your life. Whenever the time comes to meet the children, be prepared.
Talk to the children, let them know about this new person. Answer questions as honestly as possible. Never put a child second in a relationship, don’t allow anyone to separate you from your children and don’t do that to anyone else either. Never feel like you have to choose between the children or the partner. It should be hands down, the children. If a child has behaved horribly with the new person, talk to them but aside, never humiliate them. Listen to them; they too have to deal with a new relationship. It’s hard on them too; you will have to be understanding and willing to talk through any problems.
SEX
Yes, if the relationship is going well, this will be part of it eventually. Take it slow, don’t rush into this, and never have unprotected sex. Once you step into this part of your world, it can make or break a relationship. It’s always best to really get to know each other well. Tell them what you like and don’t like. In some cases a little adventure may not hurt but if the adventure seems too much for you, don’t do it. Both of you must be happy and satisfied, not just one. Be open about it, otherwise how will you know what you like and if you don’t ask how will you know what they like? Also, since you have decided to take this step, ask that question, STD's. It's uncomfortable but if true feeling are involved, it should be easy to answer. It's better to be safe than sorry.
CULTURES
You will meet different people from different cultures. It’s best to find out as much as you can about their cultures. Some may ask of you things you may not be willing to do. In many cultures, the man is the one in control always, no questions asked. Some may require that you change your religion, dress in a certain way; behave a certain way, pretty much change completely. These are things to keep in mind when dating someone outside of your culture. It is not always a bad thing; some will actually accept you as you are. You just have to be ready for whatever changes or request that may come along. This will be particularly important when meeting their families. You don’t want to insult anyone by doing something they are not used to and of course they need to get to know you too.
In conclusion, don’t go on a first date expecting miracles, expecting to find Mr. or Ms. Right. This may not be your soul mate, the one you have been looking for all your life. There are times these first dates turn into friendships for a lifetime. Other times it is just another person we crossed paths with and hopefully there are good memories attached. At times, the first date can be scary, one you like to forget or outright funny. Whatever the case may be, at least you went out and met someone. You need this, you need to go out and meet people, talk to someone new, you never know what you may find. When going on these dates be open minded, talk and listen. Each person deserves a turn. Don’t tell you whole life story, especially how bad your last relationships were, that never leads to anything good. Enjoy, relax and have as much fun as possible.
We are always scared about making the wrong decision, saying or doing the wrong thing. Remember we are only human and we do make mistakes, we are allowed. A good way to make sure you don’t make the same mistakes is remember your past dates or relationships. Remember what went wrong; try to avoid duplicating the same errors. We are creatures of habit and tend to fall right back into old routines. It’s not just the other person who screwed up, both of you did. Either by being someone else, hiding your true person, not being honest, keeping it all bottled up, whatever the reason may be, you also made mistakes. You can talk to friends or family that have found love again. It may have taken one, two, three or more times, but they did find that special someone.
They will say it was worth it but not easy. Another thing to remember, sometimes some relationships are made to be forever and some are just for a period of time. Hopefully, whichever one it is, we learn something from them and if you should go your separate ways, end it in good terms, if not with each other, at least with yourself. Most of all, there is no one perfect person, everyone has flaws. Just as we expect those we meet to accept our flaws, we need to do the same. We are unique in our own way and can’t expect them to be exactly as we are. Can you really deal with someone like yourself? Think about it, can you? If a person believes they are right always, makes no mistakes and the person next to you believes the same thing, they are never wrong or make mistakes. Will you get anywhere?
A person is unique in their own way. Someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong. Each one has to take turns. One is strong for one thing and the other for another. You are there to help each other, to grow, to learn. You are supposed to be two halves of the same coin but not exactly the same. That is what makes the relationship interesting and lasting. You are suppose to complete each other. Love is a gift to share and enjoy. Good luck to all in your new relationships and remember, be yourself, be open-minded and open your heart to new adventures.