We all know the rules on how to get over a break-up. Avoid calling your ex day and night. Go out, mingle with friends, go shopping, go on a vacation, etc.
These are good advice and we do our very best to stick to them as much as possible. But let’s be honest, it is hard to do because it all depends on our emotions.
It seems that people believe it’s easy to get over a break-up, within a few days or weeks, you will be feeling back to normal and moving on. It does sound nice and it would be great if it were true.
The only ones that can do this without feeling a lot of pain are those that were just dating for a few days or maybe a couple of weeks. In this short of a time, it’s hard to create a strong relationship making it easier to go their separate ways. Now, the longer the relationship lasted, the harder it is to get over it. Even more so, if there are children involved because it is a constant reminder plus you will have to speak to your ex for the children’s sake.
Break-ups come with an emotional roller coaster ride. One day you are ready to tackle the world and the next you don’t want to deal with anything. The emotions we have to deal with when it comes to a break-up have to be dealt with one day at a time. Each day is different battle. The first few days or weeks, we tend to cry a lot. The separation is difficult because you miss that person with all your heart. Sleeping is out of the question and when you do fall asleep it’s due to sheer exhaustion. When you wake up, you forget for a moment that they are no longer there and then the tears start rolling down your cheeks. Some of us eat a lot, some not at all. We can feel happy and sad all in one day. Basically, we take one step forward and two steps back.
Everything you see and touch reminds you of them. To be honest, even if you change things around, that doesn’t erase the memories. It doesn’t make the pain less or get rid of the love you feel for that person. As strong as you may be, you will have your moments of weakness and will call or run into them on purpose. You have to see them and hear them. You want to look into their eyes and see if they feel as much pain as you, if they miss you as much and if they want you back as much as you want them. However, when we don’t see this, the hurt comes back again and then comes anger. As time goes by, if we don’t show us any type of emotion that shows us we are missed or loved, next time we see them, we may not be nice at all. We may be so angry that we will fight with them, bring up old problems and at times be petty. We will try anything to inflict pain or get a rise out of them. It’s important for us to see some type of emotion, even if it means it will make it worst.
You start to remember all you did for them, above and beyond what they may have done for you. That you did it out of love and now realize they used you. You might even believe that they didn’t love you at all, and to be honest, sometimes it’s true. This fuels those emotions even more. So now you are not only hurt but also angry. This is the worst emotion of them all. When you feel this anger your desire is to hurt that person. This roller coaster ride is awful and we can’t wait to get off of it but it’s so hard to do. We can’t seem to let go at all because we don’t want to forget them, even if they made us angry. At times we put ourselves on this emotional ride because the desire to be with them it’s still there and without them, we feel lost.
Those around you at times just don’t understand because everyone feels and reacts differently after a break-up. We also don’t want to hear those little pep talks. They only irritate us and we begin to distance ourselves from others. We all have the right to mourn our break-up but at times it gets so bad we begin to have a pity party. But as bad as it may be, we will get over them. For some of us, it may take more time to heal, others can do it quickly. In all honesty it all depends on the relationship you had and the plans both had made. Love is not an easy emotion to get rid of, memories will never be erased but they can be set aside. Once we deal with them, it will become part of our past.
We have to face reality and accept the change. Once we do this, we can let go of the dreams and plans we had. We then can accept the person no longer loves or wants us back. If in fact they never appreciated you at all, then you truly are better off. Of course, none of this will make the pain go away quicker but it will help you heal. Don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t cry or feel sad. You can and you should. Only this way can you close that chapter of your life and move on. Just remember this, all rides do come to an end and this emotional roller coaster ride will have a stop. It’s up to you as to how many loops it may have and how long it will last. Also, no matter how much you loved that person, don’t spend the rest of your life waiting for them. They moved on and so should you.