Remember when you decided you were ready to have children? Both of you sat down and discussed it thoroughly.
You discussed how many children you would have, how to raise them, their schooling, etc. By the time you were done with the discussion, the child in your imagination had already graduated college.
No doubt that not once did you think of any problems along the way. The child might give you some hard times at first but very few. It seemed perfect.
Just before you decided you were ready to have children, you made a mental note of things you would not allow, do or say. For instance, how many times did you go to a store or park and saw a child have a temper tantrum? You said, there is no way I will allow this, I can control it and my child will not behave this way. Another note you made was regarding the way they were dressed as a baby or toddler. This is because many a times you probably saw a child that looked as though they had literally jumped into a mud puddle and rolled in it. Your child will not do that; they will always be clean and spotless. Now this is only the tip of the iceberg, we are only thinking of the first few years, maybe until they go to school.
Of course, the one thing we swore up and down, day and night, for as long as we can remember, is that we would never repeat the stories or words our parents told us. Why? Because they irritated the heck out of us and most of the times, we preferred to be grounded or smacked upside our heads then hear these stories. They were like torture and we were always told these stories if we complained about money, doing chores, school, etc. It seemed that they had a book of them, sort of like short stories. The minute we realized we were going to hear one of them, our eyes would roll to the back of our heads and we would let out a big sigh. All we could say to ourselves is that we would never do this to our children and hoped we could avoid listening to anymore of them.
If you asked for $5.00 to go to the movies, you were in trouble, especially if you said $5.00 was not a big deal. Right then and there they would tell us of how much they could buy with that money, not only that, how they had to work from dawn to dusk. This money could buy a week’s grocery. By the time they had finished the story, you could care less about the money. Of course this would lead to chores. If you complained about how much you had to do, they would let you know how they had to wash all the clothes by hand. How they had to clean the house from top to bottom. They went on to say how easy we had it, vacuum cleaners, washer and dryers, dishwashers, etc.
How about if you wanted to use the car or wanted a car? This was truly a mistake; they would mention how they walked everywhere they went, miles and miles. They were lucky if they had enough for the bus. By this time if we were smart enough, we wouldn’t ask for anything else because no matter what you asked or talked about, there was always a story. If we thought any of these were bad, here is a real good one. Our moms, we love them, but they drove us a bit batty. Whenever we got into any trouble, our full names were mentioned. But that is not the worst part. They would get so angry they would remind us they brought us into this world and if we kept screwing around they would take us out. They would also let us know how long they were in labor and how ungrateful we were for not appreciating that. If you think about it, we are lucky to be alive after the death threat from our loving mom and all those horrible, torturous stories we had to listen to. This is why we swore up and down we would never, ever, do this to our children.
Now you have a child and if you take a step back you will notice everything you said your child would never do, they have done. If they haven’t done them all then congratulations, you did better than others. First of all, when we have a child we are excited. After a few months, when there is no one around to help, you become exhausted. It so bad at times, that for a split second even though we don’t mean it, we wonder if our child was switched out in the hospital. Maybe you got someone else’s headache. Now you don’t mean it and you are not a bad parent, it’s that children are not easy. They will test the waters every chance they get. It’s their nature plus everything they see, they will try to do too.
As they grow up, they will begin to ask for things just as you did. At one point, you will begin to say and do the same things your parent did. You will tell them what you had to go through to get $5.00 from your parents. How things weren’t that easy for you. You didn’t get a radio until you were 12 or the television you had didn’t have a remote, you were the remote. How you had chores to do and if they weren’t completed, your allowance was reduced to $3.00.
Of course, to be honest you won’t really pay attention to anything you say until that day your child makes you angrier than you have ever been. They will probably give you an attitude and speak when they shouldn’t. Rest assured you will say those words you can still hear your mom say to you. “Child, I brought you into this world and I will take you out.” You will proceed to let them know you own them and they owe you. You will also make sure to make it a point to let them know how difficult the pregnancy was. They will know at that point and time how swollen your feet were, how you couldn’t sleep, your morning sickness and best of all how long you were in labor.
At that point, when you hear those words come out of your mouth, you will realize you are your parent. This will leave many stunned and others will begin to laugh. Only at that time will you realize that maybe your parents were right, that all they said was true and now it makes sense. Another thing you will realize is that maybe you weren’t the best child ever. Once the initial shock goes away, you begin to rethink on how you raise your children. Certain things will remain the same because they make sense and others will change. You may find that you speak more to your child and work out problems instead of yelling and punishing them.
What you have to realize is that you may not want to allow your children to do certain things. However, they are individuals and will be truly curious. So if they want to roll around in the dirt for a bit let them but watch them. They want a few dollars to buy something? Make a trade, if they do a chore, something easy you will give them the money. This shows them that you don’t get anything for free; you have to work for it. Most of all, remember you are human and will make mistakes. Life is a learning process and the best way to learn life’s lessons is through our children. This gives us a chance to make amends for when we were children, appreciate our own parents and allow us to teach our own children all we know.