When we are in love, everything in life seems possible. As we walk, our feet barely touch the ground, it’s as though we are walking on clouds.
Every day we wake up happy and ready to conquer the world. The one thing we always hope and pray is that this feeling of love will last forever and ever.
For many of us, this does happens. We meet our other half, our soul mate and live happily ever after (well our version of happily ever after). Of course this didn’t come easy.
We had to go through a few relationships that may have had some bad break-ups but eventually found what we were looking for, love. Break-ups are difficult, it’s hard to let go, especially if you have spent a lot of time together and have shared a lot of great moments together. Though we want nothing more than to stay with that person, we realize it’s a lost cause and will move on. Hopefully it ends in good terms and if one day we run into each other again, we can talk to each other without feeling angry or hurt. Yet, some of us choose to hang on, even though the signs are visible to everyone that we should part ways. We will hang onto this relationship as though our lives depend on it. If we are able to hang on to this relationship, no doubt that the other partner stayed because in some way they do care for us in some way.
Many of us will confuse this with love but in reality is pity or guilt, nothing more. Sure this is kind of harsh or cruel to read but it’s true. Think of it, how many of us have played that role. We are the other person in a relationship we won’t end completely because we feel guilty or pity for the one we loved at one time. This will work out for a little while. Eventually the other person starts to feel as though they are in prison or caged. They will want to break free from all the ties. They will start seeing others behind our backs and before you know, one day, they are so fed up they just say they can’t do it anymore and storm out.
They have every right to do this and in no way should we be angry with them. If they begin to see others, this is not cheating, they did tell us they no longer wanted to be in a relationship with us. We should let them go and understand. Sure the pain is horrible but, as hard as it may be to believe right now, we will get over it. Unfortunately, not many of us will do this. We will still try to hang on and may even play dirty to get what we want. One thing is for sure, when that person plays dirty to keep them around, they will be sorry later on.
For instance, we all know of women who have gotten pregnant just to keep the man around. If they are single, they will force them to get married with them. They use a child to hold on to them. Ladies, this doesn’t really work. Some men will say they will play their part in raising the child but apart. Then there are those that will stay around but only because of the child. What will happen is that before we know it, they get tired of this game. For fear that the woman may play this game again; they will have nothing to do with them intimately. If they are intimate is because of pressure and rest assured there will be plenty of protection. The life they will have together will never be a good one and it will come to an end. The sad part is that the child is the one that suffers. Why, because they used the child to keep hold of the man and, after they leave, will use the child to aggravate them as much as possible.
Now, it’s not just women that do this, so do men. There are men that will find a way to make their women gain a lot of weight. This way they lose their self-esteem and will never leave them. Not only that, some men will do all they can to get a woman pregnant. The reason, will it’s harder for a single mom to go dating then it is for a single dad. Sometimes men will use their financial stability to keep the woman around, basically buy her. At first, she may fall for it, they make it look so good but eventually they get tired too. They will do the same thing a man will do, cheat on them and finally storm out because they can’t take it anymore.
The partner will use everything they can think of to keep that partner around. Once they know that they have a new relationship they will do their best to sabotage it. They will use their friends, family or children to interfere in their new relationship. Not only that, they will even go as low as making a scene in public to humiliate them, tell their new love of any indiscretions there may have been. If out of pity or in a moment of weakness they had an intimate moment while they are in a new relationship, this person will let the other know. Remember, they want to keep this person around as much and as long as possible.
What does this sound like? Will, it sounds like the person is being stalked and the one left behind has basically lost their mind. The person that can’t let go will say it’s not stalking, it’s love. Wow, if that is love, then it’s time we stop looking for it because it’s really scary. Since when does love include stalking, harassment, humiliation, torture, destruction, etc? It’s time to call for backup and have this person hauled away in a straight jacket. Many exes have no choice but to place restraining orders because they are scared for their lives and with reason.
This type of behavior is not love but obsession. They can’t seem to see them as a person anymore, they have become an object. In their eyes this person is their property and theirs only. Sure we see where it can be funny on television. How the person falls out of tree because they are watching their ex constantly. Maybe they follow them into a club and get stopped by some strange person, interrupting them in their hunt for their ex. But in real life, it’s not funny. We hear it all the time, how an ex can’t let go and will kill them and then take their own life to. This becomes a tragedy.
Let’s keep our train of thought clear and our emotions in check. When they want to leave, as much as it hurts, let them go. If you are angry and feel you have a right to be then so be it. You don’t want to talk to them anymore or ever, fine, you don’t have to. If you have children, don’t use them against your ex, you are hurting the children. If you find out they are in a new relationship, let it be, it may hurt but you can’t do anything about it. Don’t go near their new love interest to talk to them or warn them about your ex. In all honesty, even if you are telling them the truth, they won’t believe you and will think you are just jealous. Let them find out who they are with on their own. Who knows, maybe they behaved that way with you, it hurts but it’s possible.
It’s not a bad idea to try to work on the relationship or keep it around as long as both are willing to do this. Don’t use guilt or pity to get what you want. Many believe that if you really love someone, you should let them go. Many believe that you should try your hardest to keep them around and do all you can to win their love again. None of them are wrong but if you can’t win their love back, it’s time to call it quits. Just as they moved on to a new relationship and found a new love, so will you. For some of us, it may take a little longer, while others find it quickly. But no matter how much time goes by, you will find love again and this time it may be forever.