When we find ourselves in love, the next step is commitment. The idea of spending our lives with this person is fantastic. We just can’t think of anything else, we know this will be forever and it will be a dream come true. Then time goes by and the love is still there but it’s different, it no longer feels exciting or wonderful. The dream come true is now the nightmare from hell and we can’t seem to find the exit door. It seems like we are being punished for falling in love in the first place. What causes this to happen? What happened to that love we felt at the beginning? Why is it that it changed from love to a curse or burden?
To find this out, we have to go to the very beginning of when we first met. We will have to face facts that maybe then we chose to ignore thinking that as time passed by, things would get better. If at the present time you find yourself at this point, beginning a relationship, take a step back and really take a good look at it. Does this mean you shouldn’t get involved, no, it means open your eyes and be honest with yourself. One of the biggest problems we run into when we first fall in love it blinds us from things that later on will bother us. Most of the times in our lives we make decisions with our hearts and emotions instead of logic. We believe that thinking logically when it comes to love is not love at all. Well, why not combine the two. Use your heart and mind to make decisions when it comes to a relationship. Don’t base them on the fact that you may feel lonely, scared to be by yourself, everyone else has a partner, getting older or the worst one yet, out of convenience.
Falling in love and making a true commitment to each other involves love. It is a way for the couple to share their lives together and complement each other. Will it be perfect relationship? No, there is no such thing that is only found in fairytales. However, you create your own happy ending; it does not have to be the same as everyone else’s love story. We need to remember that romance novels and romantic movies are just a way for us to escape from some of our dull lives. These are not true, they are fiction.
In a relationship, we should give each other all we can, 50/50. It should be give and take. However, most relationships are one sided. One gives it all while the other takes it all. At first, it’s not a big deal; you are blinded by the love you feel but just wait as time goes by. That partner that gave it all will get tired of being taken advantage of all the time. They may still love their partner but it’s not the same as what they felt in the beginning. The love begins to dwindle until there isn’t any left. Many will say true love never dies, well it does. Many have compared love to a rose. A rose is a beautiful and delicate flower. To make that rose blossom, you have to take care of it. It needs plant food, attention, water, etc. If it is taken care of the right way, it will always bloom. If it is mistreated or forgotten, it will die and never blossom again.
Love is the same way. When it is given the attention it needs, nurtured and care for it will grow every day. But when it is ignored, used, abused and kicked around, it dies. It becomes a burden and slowly but surely turns into hate. This is the saddest part of it all; see something that was beautiful turn into something horrible. All the time this could have been avoided. How? Easy, speak up. Tell that person you are in love with what bothers you and what you don’t like. It should be done by both of you. The biggest mistake we all do is to settle just because we don’t want to continue our search for love. If we do this, we have no one to blame but ourselves. We didn’t feel we deserve better and we have punished ourselves.
Put your cards on the table, show your hand. If you think about it, love is a gamble, you never know if you have hit the jackpot until time goes by. You have to place a bet and see if you win. However, if you place too many and get nothing in return, it’s time to call it quits. It may sound harsh but it’s true. If it bothers you at the beginning of a relationship the way your partner speaks to you, in a demanding way, speak up. If you find that you have to choose all the time between friends, family or them, speak up. If you find that they question you about everything, the time you arrive, why didn’t you answer your phone, where have you been, why do you talk to a certain person, etc. you have to speak up. If you don’t like the idea of staying home all the time or going out constantly, whatever it is you don’t like, you have to speak up and do it when you first notice it.
We are so blinded by love that we feel that this will go away on its own. We believe that saying, “love conquers all”. Well here is a surprise, no it does not. The only way to make sure that our love is true and will survive is that we are honest with each other. If for one moment you have a doubt or feel in your gut that something is not right, listen to it. Talk it over with each other. It is sad when we ignore these signs. As the years grow by, this love turns into a jail sentence. It feels like a punishment for falling in love in the first place. We begin to look for blame. Well, we need to blame ourselves; we wasted our time because we chose to ignore the signs. Love should never feel like a burden, punishment or an obligation. Love is a gift we give each other. It is from our heart and should be filled with passion. It should never include regret, hate or remorse.
So for all those out there looking for love, you must be true to yourselves. Be honest and patient. We all deserve to be in love but we deserve the best. Why should we settle for less? We should choose carefully as we would do with anything else in our lives, even more so. Think of it this way, when purchasing an item you look for the best. If it’s an outfit, you want it to look good on you, complement your looks and style. The feel of the fabric has to be soft against your skin. No one in their right mind would buy an outfit that is dirty, ragged, torn up and rough. So why would you choose to be with someone that doesn’t complement you? Remember, you want to be in love not punished for looking for love. It’s time we all take a step back and make sure we have what we truly want. Not only that, it’s two people and neither one deserves to suffer just because they feel obligated.