Starting a relationship is truly hard. The dating process alone takes a toll on you. There are so many disappointments at first that many times you have thought of just giving up. Then one day, you go on that date with that person that you felt a connection with and next thing you know, you are in a relationship.
Once you begin a relationship, you then work harder to keep it and make it last. We start compromising on things we believe in, wish for or want just to please that person and keep them with you. This is all done out of love.
As time goes by, you become comfortable and accustomed to each other. This is fine for some people but eventually reality hits, you are no longer happy. You start to wonder if you really love them or just accustomed to having them around. When these thoughts start swirling around in your head, it means there is something wrong with the relationship and it’s time to face it.
There are solutions to this situation, either it gets better or you call it quits. Unfortunately when we are in a dying relationship, we rather ignore the problem and act as though all is okay. Why is it so hard to face the facts and realize the relationship is over? It’s an easy answer, you were once truly in love, still care for the person and have gotten used to having them around. They have been there every day for the last few years. How do you let go? It’s hard to do, almost impossible but something has to be done.
See, after you start thinking this, you begin to get frustrated, angry, and resentful, everything begins to annoy you why did this happen? What went wrong with the relationship? Well, as they say, it takes two to tango, so it’s the couple’s fault. One gives too much, the other takes too much and never agrees on anything. For a love to survive, there must be understanding and sharing. It’s supposed to be 50/50 but that does not always happen. There is always one person in the relationship that does it all. They are burdened with all the problems, theirs and their partner’s problems. They are stuck with all the bills, have to find all the solutions, has to make all the sacrifices and the other person in the relationship just sits there and watches you work yourself to the bone.
Now, this wouldn’t bother you so much if it was appreciated, instead you’re criticized, belittled and requested to do more. All they do is point out all the negatives but not once did they ever say, “I appreciate all you have done”. As hard as it is to believe, in a relationship you do need assurance. Many fail to see that reassurance makes the love grow even more, makes the relationship more solid and a greater bond is built. When this is not met, instead, the person with the entire burden will work even harder, waiting for to hear a thank you. They keep ignoring the signs that they are being taken advantage of, they just can’t face it. They may voice their feelings but are quickly shut down. Instead of pushing this subject, they bottle it up and resentment begins to build up. They start doing less and less, argue more, push back but never say what they feel. Of course, that could be because the other person just won’t listen.
There are times you have two lives, the one with them and the one outside. It’s almost as though you have split personalities because you can’t be your true self at home. You begin to question yourself. But why do this? Why not just admit the relationship is not good? It’s the fear of being alone, not having that person next to you. The sad part is that we know deep down inside it is the best thing to do, part ways, but we just can’t do it. It’s very similar to what battered women/men go through. When the beating begins and they don’t fight back, they just take the abuse. They begin to wonder what they did wrong to deserve this so they stay there. Day after day will go by and they will take even more, even though they know it is wrong, they just can’t accept it, they blame themselves.
Same concept, you aren’t being abused physically but you are being abused emotionally. You keep taking it, do more and more, hoping that this will make it all better but it doesn’t. When there are problems you can’t resolve, you can’t reach out to your partner because they just won’t do anything, so you begin to lie. You make believe all is alright, putting stress on yourself, making yourself ill. This brings on anxiety attacks, feelings of desperation and at times hysteria. Even after this, you continue but what makes you wake up is that day they tell you, you are crazy, that you have issues and they can’t trust you because you lied. That makes you angry. You can’t believe they have said this to you. You lied to spare their feelings, fix their problems and relieve them of stress. Many times you are pushed into situations that you should be in, thanks to them and all they do at that point is keep blaming you.
You alienate friends, turn your back on family, lose jobs, and lose personal effects, even your self esteem, all for what? For a person that doesn’t care, doesn’t appreciate you and for a relationship that was probably doomed from the beginning, is it really worth it all? There may have been times that it was nice but if you think about it, you can count those times in one hand, yet the memories of all the hard times are too much to even keep track of. It’s time to face reality and let it go. No one says it will be easy, it won’t. It’s understandable; you spent a long time in this relationship and worked hard at it. You probably had hopes of having a family and growing old together. You never thought of ever being without them. It hurts so much because you loved them so much and that is the key word, “you loved them”, past tense. Now you care for them.
If after all that, you still want to stay in this relationship, see if you can get them to go to counseling or just go on your own. Counseling will help you find a solution and if you went by yourself, it will give you the strength to end the relationship. As men and women, we deserve to be loved, appreciated, respected, wanted and understood. If none of this is happening, then something is definitely wrong. As soon as you see trouble brewing in your relationship put a stop to it, don’t let it fester, it will be harder later on. Never take advantage of each other, share all responsibilities and respect each other’s opinions. Never belittle or insult each other’s intelligence that is not love. Don’t forget, it’s a relationship, 50/50 and to make it last you have to make love grow with affection, caring and understanding. Consider this, love is like a rose.
It is beautiful and fragile. How long it last depends on the care you give them. If you don’t water them, care for them, they will die. If you give it sunlight, food, water and talk to them, they will blossom and last for a long time. True love fills you with hope, ambition, desire and dreams. You can’t wait to be with that person, you think of them day and night. Even after time has gone by, if true love is still there, you continue feeling this way. So enjoy it and honor it by being honest with each other. It truly can be forever if it’s done right.