Every time we go through a breakup we sit and wonder what may have happened. We go over and over it in our heads and can't seem to pinpoint it.

Finally, we let go and we move on.  Sad part is that most of us, not too far down the road, we get involved in a relationship similar to the last one.

Well, guess what, it will most likely end like the last relationship because honestly, we did not learn anything the first time around. We play the blame game.

It's entirely the other person's fault; it's rare that we ever admit to having fault in a relationship.  It just can't be our fault.  We made sure to avoid the same mistakes we did the last time or did we?  So now that we are again in between relationships, let's really take a look at our past relationship and this time let's be honest.  Best way to do this is to get a notebook and start writing down things we remembered.  First, let's write down what we can remember about our ex-boyfriends/ex-boyfriends.

Now this is not to write down how mean or nasty they were.  This is going to be more about their personality, physical appearance, style, education, background, etc.  Ok, this may sound a bit strange but take a moment and think about this.  A lot of us always go for the same type of person.  For instance, some women always go for the bad boy type and always get their hearts broken.  Some men choose women for physical appearance and nothing else.  No matter why we choose our love interests, we do it repeatedly and end up with the same result, all alone and back at square one.

Definitely write down what first attracted you to them, be honest, this is for your eyes only.  Once you have this, then remember what you did together, apart, interests.  Most of the time, we will notice we had nothing in common.  It could be we did everything they liked to please them and vice-versa.  Maybe they did everything we liked to please us but got tired of it.  See, we always say we want someone to enjoy all the things we do but it's not possible.  Believe it or not, it would be boring as hell.  We all need a little excitement and adventure.  Trying new things always puts a little zing back into the relationship.

At this point, we have realized the type of person we are always connecting to, that we did not share or try new things and it was either all about them or all about us.  This is now helping you see past the pity party we have right now because we are alone again.  Now we are realizing that we did have fault in the breakup and it can be even scarier, we could be completely at fault.  No one wants to realize this but it's a must if we expect to move on and maybe next time, our relationship will last, hopefully forever if it’s what you desire.

Every couple argues, what were the arguments about?  A lot of the time it's about money, family, friends and the worst one of all, trust.  When you are in a relationship and are living together, it's no longer about you; the key word now is "us".  So when it comes to money, both have to share in the responsibility and when you are considering big purchases, it should be discussed by the couple.  It's great to have friends and go out with them, but remember, you have someone at home waiting for you.  It's not about asking for permission but more about letting the other person know.  If we tend to spend too much time out with our friends and neglect our home life, it can push the relationship to a breaking point.

We all have family and many of us are really close.  We are so close to our family; we seem to find it difficult to avoid spending too much time with them, like when we were single.  Not only that, we put them before our relationship.  We take all the phone calls, run to them every time they have a problem, tell them all our problems when we shouldn't.  Worst part is that the family can't do anything wrong even when they do.  Why do we let our friends and family interfere in our relationship?  We know what they are saying about our relationship is not true and wrong but we don't stop them.  Why, because we don't have the guts to shut them up.  We don't want them to get mad but its okay for our partner to deal with it and take it.

This is not fair, not one bit and we are the ones at fault here.  So far we have done one of these or more than one.  What happens now is that the trust you had with your partner starts to disappear.  They no longer confide in us and don't believe anything we say.  Too many outings with our friends make them wonder what is really happening out there.  Hiding issues that are about money, make it worst and the topper of it all, when we tell our friends and family everything about our relationship.  Little by little we have chipped away at the trust they had in us until one day, there is none left.

If we had only listened, if we only paid attention, if we had only been honest, these are the thoughts that run through our heads.  Well by now it's too late.  Now when the person leaves us, it doesn't mean they didn't love us or didn't care.  They left because they are tired, felt that they were not important.  This is really hard on everyone.  Here we were at fault, more than we thought.  Of course, if your partner never once opened their mouth and said, "Hey I am getting tired of this" then they are at much at fault as you were.

One more thing, if you feel you were used then take a step back, you allowed it.  Why, because when we fall in love, we don't think about anything but pleasing that one person.  There lies the problem; we are always trying to please everyone we know.  How about this, first please yourself, do things for you, and then do what you can for others.  If you are dating the same type of man/woman, try dating someone outside of your type.  If you spend more time with others then your partner, next time do the opposite.  When making any decisions, consult with them, it's the two of you now.  If after all, you still can't seem to deal with the issues then consult a therapist.  It's time to get out of the vicious cycle we have created for ourselves and begin enjoying life, true love, honesty and respect for ourselves most of all.